What is Balance?
According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, the noun balance means “to have mental and emotional steadiness” and the verb means “to bring into harmony or proportion”. There are many other definitions for balance, but these are the two we are most interested in – the noun and the transitive verb. Mental and emotional steadiness…As I studied these two definitions, something struck me about them – there was nothing about percentages or ratios in the definitions. There was no formula describing the perfect balance. In fact, the definition said to me that balance is an intensely personal idea. There is nothing like the ‘ideal’ balance to work towards, neither is there anything like ‘perfect balance.’
Dear reader, I put it to you that perfect balance is a myth… Sometimes, you will be stretched, and you will need to drop some balls to focus on others—and that’s perfectly okay.
How to achieve balance in your life – Your Mindset
Proverbs 4:23; Proverbs 14:30; Romans 1:28 ; Matthew 6:25; Philippians 4:8; Colossians 3:2; Isaiah 26:3; Romans 12:2
All battles are won and/or lost in the mind. This is why Rom 12:2 admonishes us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Many of us have lost the battle of balance in our minds because we really don’t believe it is possible. One reason for this disbelief is the myth that there is a particular standard of balance we are expected to attain, and because we don’t think that standard is attainable for us, we respond like Sarah did. “Can I really have a child with my husband in this my old age?” Let’s substitute a few words – “Can I really achieve balance with my life and profession in this my condition (weight, finances, other issues you are viewing as hindrances)?”
We have swallowed the narrative of chaos, disorder, and disharmony as the reality of womanhood, wifehood and motherhood. So we don’t even consider the fact that we can wear these different honourable caps beautifully, effectively and harmoniously. As a result, we are tired, burnt out, cranky and pretty unhappy. But by the grace and mercies of the Lord, that vicious cycle is ended in our lives today in Jesus’ name.
How to get on the right path?
Set your mind on the Spirit – “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” Rom. 8:6
One thing I have learned and found funny about us as man is that we find it easy to look at the negative side of life. It comes very easy to us. If I ask us to do a little role play now about imaging a couple of things that can go wrong in our professions, or marriage, I am pretty certain a number of us here will be able to give a detailed description.
Our minds are pretty powerful, and capable of producing unimaginable things – the saying of ‘there’s nothing new under the sun’ is not 100% true. Our minds can produce the new. So we have to be deliberate about setting our minds to think positive things. Think that you can live a balanced life. Visualise it. See it happening – and then watch it happen in your life.
5 Steps to achieving a balanced life
1 – What do you really want?
Make a list.
Be specific. Many of us know what we don’t want and spend a lot of time vigorously declaring it.
I don’t want to be poor…
I don’t want my children to miss their path in life…
I don’t want my husband to cheat on me…
I don’t want…
I don’t want…
I don’t want…
But when we flip the coin and ask, ‘ What do you want?’ many people freeze up. They draw blanks and blink in confusion.
The problem with focusing on what you don’t want.
What you focus on continues to multiply…. When you focus on things you don’t want, they continue to multiply.
I could go on into the issues with the subconscious, our emotions and the way we use them to create our realities, but that would take us outside the scope of this conversation.
So let’s get back to the subject matter. What do you really want? List them in a journal.
You can put them into different categories:
- Faith
- Husband
- Children
- Career
- Ministry
- Finances
List what you want in all the categories. Be sure to avoid the ‘I don’t want…’ trap.
What you focus on continues to multiply…. When you focus on things you don't want, they continue to multiply. Share on X2 – Understand seasons
Once you have identified the things you want, ask yourself how your current realities can support or hinder what you do want. Take a hard look at your life and the season of life in which you are. What’s your current reality? How easy will it be to get what you want in the current situation of things? Can you make it happen with the way things are, or do you need to make some changes? Do you need to remove some things from your life or add new things?
For example, if you want to be the next Ibukun Awosika, you need to take a good, hard look at your life. What are your strengths, and what do you need to add to become that vision? For example, you may need to take some courses. Or you may need to develop a skill or talent that you don’t already have. The important thing is to be honest with yourself and identify the things that you need to do to achieve your goals.
Once you have identified the things you want, ask yourself how your current realities can support or hinder what you do want. Share on X3- Prioritize the important things
If your wants will require bringing new things into your life, you must ask if your current reality can accommodate the addition. If it can’t, it’s time to do some housekeeping. Why? Your time and energy are your most valuable resources and they are finite. You only have 24 hours in a day – there’s nothing you can do to add a minute more to it. The same goes with your energy. Whilst we have varying energy levels, with some being more energetic than others, we all have our limits.
It is with this understanding that Stephen Covey in his book, ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ said ‘First Things First’. There are many time management frameworks that we can use for this, but we will discuss two – The prioritisation matrix and the self-management framework. The second was suggested by Stephen Covey. Put first things first.
💡 Quadrant II
Basically, we spend time in one of four ways. As you see, the two factors that define an activity are urgent and important. Urgent means it requires immediate attention. It’s “Now!” Urgent things act on us. A ringing phone is urgent. Most people can’t stand the thought of just allowing the phone to ring. You could spend hours preparing materials, you could get all dressed up and travel to a person’s office to discuss a particular issue, but if the phone were to ring while you were there, it would generally take precedence over your personal visit.
If you were to phone someone, there aren’t many people who would say, “I’ll get to you in 15 minutes; just hold.” But those same people would probably let you wait in an office for at least that long while they completed a telephone conversation with someone else. Urgent matters are usually visible. They press on us; they insist on action. They’re often popular with others. They’re usually right in front of us. And often they are pleasant, easy, fun to do. But so often they are unimportant!
Importance, on the other hand, has to do with results. If something is important, it contributes to your mission, your values, your high priority goals.
We react to urgent matters. Important matters that are not urgent require more initiative, more proactivity. We must act to seize opportunity, to make things happen. If we don’t practice Habit 2, if we don’t have a clear idea of what is important, of the results we desire in our lives, we are easily diverted into responding to the urgent.
Look for a moment at the four quadrants in the Time Management Matrix. Quadrant I is both urgent and important. It deals with significant results that require immediate attention. We usually call the activities in Quadrant I “crises” or “problems.” We all have some Quadrant I activities in our lives. But Quadrant I consumes many people. They are crisis managers, problem-minded people, the deadline-driven producers.
As long as you focus on Quadrant I, it keeps getting bigger and bigger until it dominates you. It’s like the pounding surf. A huge problem comes and knocks you down and you’re wiped out. You struggle back up only to face another one that knocks you down and slams you to the ground. Some people are literally beaten up by the problems all day every day. The only relief they have is in escaping to the not important, not urgent activities of Quadrant IV. So when you look at their total matrix, 90 percent of their time is in Quadrant I and most of the remaining 10 percent is in Quadrant IV with only negligible attention paid to Quadrants II and III. That’s how people who manage their lives by crisis live.
There are other people who spend a great deal of time in “urgent, but not important” Quadrant III, thinking they’re in Quadrant I. They spend most of their time reacting to things that are urgent, assuming they are also important. But the reality is that the urgency of these matters is often based on the priorities and expectations of others.
People who spend time almost exclusively in Quadrants III and IV basically lead irresponsible lives. Effective people stay out of Quadrants III and IV because, urgent or not, they aren’t important. They also shrink Quadrant I down to size by spending more time in Quadrant II. Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things that are not urgent, but are important. It deals with things like building relationships, writing a personal mission statement, long-range planning, exercising, preventive maintenance, preparation –all those things we know we need to do, but somehow seldom get around to doing, because they aren’t urgent. To paraphrase Peter Drucker, effective people are not problem-minded; they’re opportunity-minded. They feed opportunities and starve problems. They think preventively. They have genuine Quadrant I crises and emergencies that require their immediate attention, but the number is comparatively small. They keep P and PC in balance by focusing on the important, but not the urgent, high-leverage capacity-building activities of Quadrant II.
With the Time Management Matrix in mind, take a moment now and consider how you answered the questions at the beginning of this chapter. What quadrant do they fit in? Are they important?
Are they urgent?
My guess is that they probably fit into Quadrant II. They are obviously important, deeply important, but not urgent. And because they aren’t urgent, you don’t do them. Now look again at the nature of those questions: What one thing could you do in your personal and professional life that, if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your life? Quadrant II activities have that kind of impact. Our effectiveness takes the quantum leaps when we do them.
What it Takes to Say “No”
The only place to get time for Quadrant II in the beginning is from Quadrants III and IV. You can’t ignore the urgent and important activities of Quadrant I, although it will shrink in size as you spend more time with prevention and preparation in Quadrant II. But the initial time for Quadrant II has come out of III and IV.
You have to be proactive to work on Quadrant II because Quadrant I and III work on you. To say “yes” to important Quadrant II priorities, you have to learn to say “no” to other activities, sometimes apparently urgent things. – Excerpt from “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey.
But to identify the first thing you need to put first, you have to prioritise. This brings us to the prioritization matrix. The prioritization matrix is a problem-solving tool that basically provides the answer to the question of what to put first.
| Urgent & Important (Crises) | Not Urgent & Important (Growth) |
|---|---|
| Sick child, work deadlines | Prayer time, marriage date night |
| Urgent & Not Important (Distractions) | Not Urgent & Not Important (Time-Wasters) |
|---|---|
| Most emails, peer pressure requests | Endless scrolling, gossip calls |
The above is a prioritization matrix I did in my journal. Doing it in my own hand helped me reorient my mind, take myself more seriously and see the things I was doing in a snapshot. It also helped me bear down on the important things and strip off the things that were not.
4 – Saying No can be a very good thing
Having identified your wants and set goals to accomplish them, you must understand the power of ‘No’. Let’s look at this from the point of limited time and energy. You need to spend your time on High-Priority and High-Impact tasks. Therefore, you must rigorously scrutinise whatever you are adding to your plate. Saying “Yes” to everything is a recipe for burnout. We need to learn to say ‘No’ and stop feeling guilty about it.
I have a friend and mentor with whom I have had a relationship for about 8 years now. During those 8 years, I have watched my relationship with this person evolve. Much more importantly, I have watched him take the reins of his own life, time and relationships. You can’t always reach him. To the best of my knowledge, he has about four different phone lines, granting different levels of access to him. Some of the lines are not always available. They are turned off when he needs to focus on high-priority and high-impact tasks. However, he has one on which he can be reached at any time of the day and he made that available only to his wife and select people in his circle.
I have had to schedule meetings with him where the agenda of the discussion is prepared ahead of time because he wants us to maximize the time we spend together – even if the purpose of the meeting is simply to catch up.
What is the point I am making here? This individual has understood the value and finite nature of his time and energy and has taken deliberate steps to use them judiciously. The steps he has taken may seem too rigid or unreasonable to you, but then I ask, What value do you place on your time and energy?
5 – Ask for help Matt. 7:7
If there is one thing I have learned about God in the few years I have lived upon the earth, it is the fact that He is able, willing and ready to help us in every imaginable way. Matt 7:7-11 illustrates this beautifully.
Ask for wisdom on how to navigate the seasons of life God has given you seamlessly – James 3:17 “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure, then peace-loving, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere.” ”Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
💡 Whether it’s the way you steward your resources, the attitude you have when working or serving, the attention you give to caring for your mind and body and nurturing your spirit, or the investment of your whole self into your relationships, God cares about these areas and wants you to follow His lead so that you’ll experience His best for you.
Knowing God’s vision for our thoughts and actions in the major areas of our life is the foundation to deciding what takes priority as we balance our life.
So schedule a meeting with God. Bring a journal or device to write on, some music that feeds your soul, a refreshing or relaxing drink and an open heart, mind and spirit. Seek to reveal what His will is for you as a child of God in each area of your life by asking him for guidance through prayerful conversation and seeking wisdom in His word. Many times we already know what His response will be, but just haven’t taken the time or surrendered our will to allow Him to show us or lead us. – Excerpt from 3 Things You Must Know for True Christian Life Balance
Conclusion
Balance, as we’ve journeyed together through Scripture and self-reflection, isn’t a rigid formula or a race to perfection—it’s a rhythm of grace. Like the ebb and flow of tides guided by the heart of God, it’s about aligning our priorities with His peace, even when life feels more like a storm than a symphony. The world may preach hustle, but Christ invites us to rest in His sufficiency: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
You don’t need to chase “ideal” balance or shame yourself for seasons where some balls drop. Sarah’s doubt transformed into faith when she surrendered her limitations to God’s promise (Genesis 18:14). Likewise, your journey toward harmony begins with honesty—about your desires, your seasons, and your need for divine wisdom. As you set your mind on the Spirit (Romans 8:6), prioritize what matters, and courageously say “no” to distractions, you’ll find that balance isn’t about doing more—it’s about stewarding better.
Remember, God isn’t grading your spreadsheets; He’s shaping your heart. When you schedule that “meeting with Him” (James 1:5), you’ll discover His vision for your life isn’t a burden—it’s a blueprint for freedom. So breathe, sister. Let go of the myth of perfection. Embrace the mess, the miracles, and the mundane, knowing that you are held by the One who balanced the cosmos and still counts every hair on your head (Psalm 147:4; Luke 12:7).
Your balanced life isn’t a finish line—it’s a daily surrender. And in that surrender, you’ll find strength.
“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).
Prayer: Father, thank You for being the Author of peace, not chaos. Teach us to walk in Your rhythms of grace, to steward our time and energy with wisdom, and to trust You in every season. Where we’ve believed the lie of “never enough,” replace it with the truth of Your “more than enough.” In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Recent Comments